The walls were closing in on me. Everything was spinning. That’s what it was like on the outside but on the inside it was much worse. Every liquid or solid I had assimilated earlier on was threatening to come out. I could taste the first hint of saliva on my lips as I crouched on the floor. None of the soothing gestures provided by my hand onto my stomach helped the situation or made it any better. I felt like throwing up and my stomach was eating up any strength I had left.
I had endured this before. That though, was not a consolation. Every time if felt either the same or much more. The striking spasms to my stomach nerves had me clutching my stomach even harder. I was weak and the room I was in kept getting smaller. I needed to get out. I needed air but my state of mind was weakened by my physical liability. The brass tacks there were to get out of there but I couldn’t.
Shouting for help was not an option. Any humane gesture from another human being was something I wasn’t ready to accept. No one could help me; no one could stop this pain. I had to conquer it all on my own. That’s the thing with inner pain- you can’t share it.
With that, I continued to struggle with these demons. To win, I let them possess me until they could no longer get anything out of me and let me be. I stopped fighting. Enduring the pain saved me.