Giving up

It is easy to give up hope. It is easy to recline and crawl back and never want to come out again because of rejection. I feel as if I am not good enough; scared that maybe I just don’t have it in me but Anne Kansiime said something that inspired me yesterday as I watched her get interviewed in Botswana. She talked about how the internet- social media to be exact- was her ticket to fame. “If you’re good at something and you know you’re good at it, you have to show everyone else otherwise how will we know that you’re good?”

She talked about the internet as being an available resource that we don’t utilize. Frankly, she had me thinking. She is right, most of us don’t know how to use social media to our advantage. I sure don’t. I’m a seasoned blogger, I barely use Facebook, I’m not on twitter (I don’t even know how to use it). I am basically broke, disconnected from the world and nobody has ever heard of me. Funny right? No wonder when I experience rejection I crawl back into my blankets and put my laptop to the use of entertaining me with TV shows.

It is sad really. I recall a time when I was passionate; a time when reading used to excite me and it was all I ever wanted to do. I remember a time when you couldn’t talk to me because I was shut in my room typing up a great story and living in the my words. I remember a time when learning  a new word was fun and I just couldn’t wait to put it somewhere in my work. I remember a time when my mind was a plethora of imagination and now it is simply a blank canvas on which I place my class notes on Freud’s theories of personality.

Meanwhile, I have lost mine. My weekends are filled with bottles and long nights doing nothing. I live the fast life and run away from the things that used to really give me character. Anyway these are merely the ranting of a lazy blogger. If one day you’re sitting down reading this, I sure hope it is because you just read one of my more famous pieces and want to read more about me. Yes, I can dream still.


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