Hey guys I know it’s been a bit of a while since I posted anything so here is something for y’all.
Just a thought...I have all these feelings inside of me overwhelming and overclouding my judgement. I do not know what to do with them because I find that I have no way of expressing them. Inside of me is a tormented little girl. loving, but unable to love. My feelings are turning toxic; they are rotting inside of me and it seems that instead of joy and happiness all my heart knows is pain and sadness. When I am hit with a wave of melancholy, all my joy escapes me and I am left wanting of all things that are good. I guess all I have to look up to now is my Messiah- the one who truly loves me unconditionally; the one with whom I can truly demonstrate love and expect acceptance and reciprocation in return. You have loved me but you have not loved me enough. With each passing day it hurts me to think that you want not to love me enough. Inside is a little girl who cannot synchronize with the woman I have become. She cowers afraid, unsure of herself, maybe even a little desperate. She once felt like she could own the world but her dreams lay spread shattered so she retreated so far into herself that now she only dreams when she is sleeping (when all inhibitions are rolled down to the ground). The little girl built walls of womanhood around her. She shows off to the world what she knows, what she thinks she knows and what she has learned. She proudly flaunts her image to the world sure that they cannot possibly see the facade she has perfected. She too is almost convinced. For who knows still that she is just a little girl? Do YOU? Do you see me for who I really am? Can you love me for who I really am? Cowardly, Insecure, Desperate, Uncertain... Helpless? When the emotional waves hit, the little girl no longer knows the woman and she cries and cries. The woman runs away in those dire moments almost disgusted by the little girl's tantrums. She turns her face away and pretends she doesn't see it. Help me! The little girl screams. The woman doesn't hear her. She deafens her ears to the whimpers of the girl. They co-exist but do not cooperate. The girl portrays a completely different personality from the woman; while the girl fears the world the woman takes it on. So when all there is are the walls to hear her, the woman sleeps and the girl manifests in her dreams.