I’m living my life in the past- where I was a year and a half ago isn’t where I am now. Why does it feel like they are all speaking about a total stranger? Me? Social? All I want to do is crawl back into my sheets and stay there without another thought about it. Me? Party-girl? If only they knew how many parties I’d abscond just so I could read a nice long never ending novel.
But that’s the thing about people. Everybody wants to be a psychologist. However, psychologists see beyond the eye, beneath the smile… I’m broken into irretrievable pieces; my vision blurred so much by the tears I’m trying to keep inside, that the façade has become me. Me; who was untouched by pain and deep emotions, me who once saw the world as undented crystal.
Here I am now. I have not a clue how I got here. If asked to describe myself… I have so much to say, still believing I am who I was then and if I’m not who am I then? Why is everybody so shallow? So unobservant?
Take a deep breath lily; don’t let them see you cry. Beneath hides a vulnerability that is all too familiar, scary even. If let out, a spiral of emotion would flood back and I wouldn’t even know where to begin. There would be no stopping the storm, or controlling the quakes because some thunderclaps just never end- they only disappear. I miss those who knew me well; those who would see right through this façade; those who wouldn’t judge me by what they see.
I miss being me.

One thought on “ME

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