Month: November 2014

The power of doing ‘nothing much…’

I’m sitting here, just sitting here… Engulfed in a nostalgia of the sweet days that were. When life was as sweet as apples and as relaxed as a crocodile right after supper. The clock slowly ticked away those sweet days and all I have now are sweet memories of what it was like to do… Nothing much.

But then I am sitting here, doing nothing and yet my mind runs a million miles south, east, west and north on all the things I could, should be doing. Like… Studying. Like… Folding my clothes. Like… Reading further on something i learnt in class but ahhh, do I really want to let go of those precious seconds turned into minutes of my thoughts?!

I think not!

I want to be sitting in my bed… And making a mental to-do list of nothing much. I want to revel in the knowledge that I could do so much but choose to just let the options float around my head; be the master of my actions. This takes me back to February 15th 2011 when Bruno Mars released the hit single “lazy song”. All I want to say is Bruno, you spoke to me and I want to go back to those lazy days of doing nothing much.

Well yeah the idle mind is the devils’s playground… And laziness does not pay, but… But….

To be continued

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ME

I’m living my life in the past- where I was a year and a half ago isn’t where I am now. Why does it feel like they are all speaking about a total stranger? Me? Social? All I want to do is crawl back into my sheets and stay there without another thought about it. Me? Party-girl? If only they knew how many parties I’d abscond just so I could read a nice long never ending novel.
But that’s the thing about people. Everybody wants to be a psychologist. However, psychologists see beyond the eye, beneath the smile… I’m broken into irretrievable pieces; my vision blurred so much by the tears I’m trying to keep inside, that the façade has become me. Me; who was untouched by pain and deep emotions, me who once saw the world as undented crystal.
Here I am now. I have not a clue how I got here. If asked to describe myself… I have so much to say, still believing I am who I was then and if I’m not who am I then? Why is everybody so shallow? So unobservant?
Take a deep breath lily; don’t let them see you cry. Beneath hides a vulnerability that is all too familiar, scary even. If let out, a spiral of emotion would flood back and I wouldn’t even know where to begin. There would be no stopping the storm, or controlling the quakes because some thunderclaps just never end- they only disappear. I miss those who knew me well; those who would see right through this façade; those who wouldn’t judge me by what they see.
I miss being me.

Imperfection

What am I wirhout You?

Not what I should be

I am closer to you and further from me

Not all eyes will see what mine see when I look at you

But to me you are, and will always be,

Beautiful.

 

We are close to each other

Though far from the perfect beings

But you and I together

Can make angels and give the world wings.

 

I did not believe in love, you make me a believer

So I burnt all my bridges to stay on your side of the river

Life before you, the bells no loner ring

The day they’ll bury me I’ll be wearing your ring.

 

The day you were born, earth became my heaven

A paradise made imperfect only by your immortality

You and I my love may not live until 97

But your lips on mine, we’ll try to kiss away eternity.

 

Poeman